If I am whole I am just a sum of my parts. Each part either physical or spiritual. The body, touching, feeling, seeing and understanding, learning and adapting.
If I am spiritual I flow without body,through mindfulness to soulfulness. I connect beyond touch, sight and sound. I know the energy flowing in and through me.
My mind will try to contain and direct what it cannot. It will try to capture and understand the flow, but that is entrapment.
I don’t know what true freedom looks like. I don’t know how the spirit works. I just know that it does and I know that it is beyond me.
Sometimes it feels as though my physical self is shattered, shards falling to the ground, the spirit too large to be contained in such a small vessel.
My soul longs for the breath of life that frees me from these chains and yet my journey has just begun. I must learn to live in this world, to use my body and mind. It is hard for me when I feel as though I could explode out of myself. I literally want to fly. To discount the laws of nature, the laws of this earthly place and travel on the plain beyond.
I spin in constant entrapment unable to accept my limits. I grow beyond my ability to comprehend. Faith and acceptance are my only logical path but there is so much more.
I feel the souls of others here and beyond. The strength of the air I breathe keeps my blood flowing and my heart pumping but all that is temporary. I am carried on the wind to places beyond our realm, beyond our comprehension.
I seek guidance and the ability to contain and channel my daily life in a world that makes no sense to me. Freedom lies in surrender, acceptance and love. I don’t need my body for that but it is my vessel for now, for this world.
God knows that the questions abound and the answers remain a mystery. The restlessness that writhes inside me makes my skin crawl and my mind stretch beyond it’s capacity.
I’ve lost my way. I see too much, feel too much, know too much. Please help me follow Your path and the path set out for me because I don’t know what that is.
Teddy bear hugs
Tonia
